Year in Review

Okay so these “Year in Review” things seem to be pretty popular and I figured I’d jump on that bandwagon. These might be kinda sporadic since 1) I don’t have a very good long-term memory and 2) Not only did I not blog much, I also hardly ever journal. But this is what I do remember from 2007.

January- Got my wisdom teeth taken out. Watched John Tucker Must Die 3 times in 3 days. Road tripped to West Virginia with Fink, Dave, Russ, and Megan. Avoided applying to Grad School. Only applied to Princeton. Developed a crush I never thought I would. Start reading Exodus.

February- Cried a lot. Had some hard conversations about who I am. Didn’t get into Princeton. One-year anniversary of my negative DTR. Everyone Sent Conference with the girls. Apply for an internship with Campus Crusade. Go to a lot of Butler Basketball games.  

March- Saw Brian Regan in Indy. Turned 22. Visit from Mom. Road tripped to St. Louis to see the Bulldogs in the Sweet 16. Somehow finished my thesis. Slept a total of 9 hours in the span of 55. Had more really hard conversations.  Got accepted as an intern with Crusade at the Regional Office.

April-Intern Kickoff Weekend. Love having a ridiculously easy last semester of college-only 3 classes. Question my calling from the Lord to work in the Regional Office.

May-Graduate from Butler University with a Religion major and Philosophy Minor. Move into my first non-campus provided housing.  Learn what it’s like to live with people that are not Julie. Begin living in the freezer that is my bedroom. Read 1 Corinthians.

June-Start support raising. I’m in Nashville more this month than the entire previous year. Dave and Janelle’s wedding. Hang out with Kat, Jesse, Sathish, and Rachel all the time. Begin to learn what it means to trust in the Lord in all things. Read Romans. Read Romans 8 everyday.

July- More support raising. Begin to struggle with support. See the Lord work through it though. Talked about theology a lot. Question and discover what I believe about God’s sovereignty.

August-Surprise-more support! See my support essentially stop coming in. Read Daniel. Butler starts and I’m not there.

September-Avoid support raising. I completely and totally doubt it can get raised but I am stubborn and don’t give up/don’t give the situation over to the Lord. Read Colossians. Go to campus Starbucks everyday.  Develop more of a heart for the women of Butler. Want to be on campus more than the office.

October-Road trip to Plymouth to see Dave with Rachel and Russ. Get my deadline for support. Freak out majorly. Send about 100 e-mails, 60 letters, and call about 50 people over the next 10 days. Hate the person that I am around certain people. Read Ecclesiastes.

November-Have one of the worst weeks of the year. Avoid God 100% during that week. Facebook verse of the day convicts me. God’s grace renews me and takes me back. Begin to read Jeremiah.  Become Affiliate Staff. Staff Conference. Begin to think about Staff. Old crush ends. Develop a new and random crush. Begin to work in the Office. Question why God had me there.

December- Begin to work at Banana Republic. Want to quit after a week. Begin to see how the Lord is going to use me and grow me at the Office. Want to be in the office more and more. See lots of friends from c/o 2007.  Home for less than 48 hours for Christmas. My first Christmas Conference as Staff. Meet lots of cool people. Random crush ends. SARF.

Okay that was kinda long but it’s good to go back and see some of the many things that the Lord did in my life this past year. I tried to be as honest as possible, which can be very difficult. So here’s to 2008!

Is nothing my own?

Is nothing my own?  Is there anything that I can claim for myself? My education? My health? Friends? Family?  I want to possess these things. I want them all to be mine and not just that but for them to belong to me based on what I have done, my merits, my accomplishments.  There are times that I believe this.  I say that I have a degree from Butler University because I studied hard. That I have good friends because I am loyal.  It’s a very common way to think. Individual merits and successes are valued highly in societies.  Dependency is frowned upon.  This is how the world thinks.

So where does that leave me? Do I fall into the same patterns of this world?  In his letter to the Romans Paul urges the church body to separate themselves from the world.   “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

The pattern of this world is to achieve success in any way possible. The pattern of this world is to be completely self-sufficient, to rely on no one to help you reach the top.  What does the Word say about this view? I think it’s pretty clear.

The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it,
       the world, and all who live in it;

Any questions? Seems simple enough right? It’s right there, in black and white, written by the power of the Holy Spirit. And yet…how much to I believe that?  I want so bad at times to believe that what I have is mine, not the Lord’s.   I find myself attempting to rectify by disbelief and I guess in a way, heresy, by saying “Well yes I will acknowledge that it is because of the Lord’s grace that I have these things…but they are still mine. He may have helped me to get them or even given them to me Himself but ultimately they are mine.”  Not quite.

So where is this all going? Why wait to post for 5 months and have this be what I come up with?  It all comes down to doubt.  A huge doubt that I have. The doubt that has surrounded me over the summer months as I have tried to raise my support for my internship.  As our deadline rapidly approaching the fear and the doubt no longer creep but are now running full-force at me.  It’s almost more that I can stand. I want to run away, to quit, to say this is too hard!  Lord why did You call me to this ministry if I wasn’t going to be able to raise my support?!  I am too weak, to shy, not bold enough. No one cares; people don’t give enough.  All of the following. 

When I thought about this last night I realized that how I am feeling now can be summed up nicely by looking at the difference between two French verbs: Savoir and Connaître. Savoir is associated with knowing something factually, to be aware of something but not to have a connection with it or them.  Connaître also means to know. But to know personally, to have a connection to it. So here’s where I am at.  Je sais que Dieu est fidèle mais je ne connais pas que Dieu est fidèle.  I know(factually) that God is faithful but I do not know (in a personal way) that God is faithful.   It’s a scary place to be. I don’t want to be in that place.   Pray that I would be removed from this place, that I would know (connais) that God is faithful and that everything, including my support-raising, is His.

Today was one of the....

-hardest

-most disappointing

-most cried out

-convicting

-full of Satan’s lies

-Truth preached

-blessed

-encouraging

-raw

...days I have had in I can’t even remember how long.

It was as if my heart were taken out of me and laid before me. I could see all the places where I was having problems and issues.  And one side, Satan was using those weaknesses to attack me and to cut the wounds even deeper.  But then through the power of the Spirit and the Body of Christ, the Lord was like: All those broken places, I want to heal them. I want to make them new again and I want them to be filled with My truth and My grace.

Lord, teach me to believe in You and the power of prayer.  Lord I wanna yearn for you

“Yet hope remains while the Company true.”

~The Fellowship of the Ring

Thank you Lord for giving me True Company and Company that proclaims Your Truth.

Okay I am just copying and pasting this from Facebook.

So I don't normally write notes but I thought this random adventure was too good not to mention. Some of you have probably already seen pictures and may have even heard the story from the people that went, but for those of you that haven't here it is.

So Friday night some of us were hanging out watching some movies (The Illusionist and John Tucker Must Die) and we started discussing Chase Credit Cards for some reason. So Russ gets his out and Megan thinks that it is of mountains. Well he informs her that no it is of the Chicago skyline (I get those confused all the time too, Megan.) About 10 minutes later Megan exclaims "You guys, I want to see mountains!" So we decide to go on a quest to find out where the closest mountains to Indiana were. Tried Arkansas first but that was way too far away. But then we saw that West Virginia had some as well and discovered that to get to the border of Ohio/West Virginia was only 4 hours away. So at around midnight we decided to go to West Virginia (though we did exercise going other places, but West Virginia won out.) The best thing about this was that all of us where in on the plan. Everyone seemed totally okay with the idea of randomly going to West Virginia.

So at 12:27 am mysel, Fink, Megan, Dave, and Russ piled into Russ's car (which I was very glad we chose over Dave's car) and headed to West Virginia. It poured most of the way. We made a few stops, including Gallipolis, OH. Once in WV, it is now about 4:30 am and we know that we can't make it all the way to the mountains so we are trying to figure out what we are going to do in West Virginia at 4:30 in the morning in the countryside. But never fear, we then saw a sign that said Charleston was only 55 miles away. So we went there.

Once in Charleston it is now about 5:30 am and again we don't know what to do, but then we see the Capitol Building in the distance and decide to go there. So we are outside of the car in Charleston for maybe 15 mins (it might have only been 13) and took pictures at the Capitol Building (which was very pretty by the way) then got in the car and left. But that was the last of our West Virginia visit, oh no. On the way there we had seen many different signs for the wonderful Biscuit World. So of course we had to stop there in the spralling metropolis of Nitro, WV. It was an interesting experience and people that I was crazy for taking a picture of the sign but whatever. After our breakfast we left and after a stop at a BP in Dayton and meeting a semi-crazy, kinda funny guy working there, we finally made it back to Indy at 11:35 am on Saturday.

So all-in-all we were on the road 11 hours, drove 630 miles, stayed in West Virginia for about 2.5-3 hours.
5 great friends, 1 great (and amazingly crazy) adventure to see mountains...or maybe we're just insane.

So I hope everyone else had as exciting and adventurous break as we did.

Currently Listening An Evening With By Shane & Shane see related

Okay so I was planning on writing a huge post a couple of days ago to talk about my past week or so but that never happened and I am tired now so I think it will have to wait. Here are the highlights though.

All Hall Fall Ball was AMAZING!! My dates were so hot! Here are a few pictures of them.

You ladies are AWESOME! I love Rachel, Megan, and Emily!!

I LOVE BUTLER BASKETBALL!!!!!! AJ Graves is freakin' amazing and I am calling it right now, Mike Green MVP!!! We came back and won first against Notre Dame on Monday night. 71-69! BUT then on Tuesday night we came back from being down by 12 to IU to win 60-55!!! It was AMAZING! And what is even more amazing is that I was at Conscenco for both games!! My voice was definitely gone on Wednesday, with all the screaming and then my cold as well. Oh well it was soo much fun.

Such beautiful sights! Now the Bulldogs are heading up to NYC to play Tennessee in MSG! Go Bulldogs! Oh and we also have the #1 RPI in the nation right now! Holla!

Okay so one last note I have had this MercyMe song "Crazy" stuck in my head all week. So here are the lyrics and then you can listen to the actual song itself.

Crazy by MercyMe

Why would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end
Why would I spend my time pointing to another man
Isn't that crazy
How can I find hope in dying with promises unseen
How can I learn your way is better in everything I'm taught to be
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world
But to a God Who's calling out to me
And even though the world may think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy to choose this world
Over eternity

And if I boast let me boast in filthy rags made clean
And if I glory let me glory in my savior's suffering
Isn't that crazy
And as I live this daily life I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step when I hear you leading me
Isn't that crazy

Call me crazy
you can call me crazy
Call me crazy

Alrighty then it is 3:15 in the morning so I am heading to bed. But I can sleep in all I want because I AM FREE!!! Woot-woot for Butler giving us a full week off for Thanksgiving! Have a great break everyone!